11: You've Changed So Much

This week's blog is made up of several letters my family and friends sent me during my first summer in the monastery. The dates are when they actually wrote the letter or card, not when I received them. I'm also including, for the FIRST TIME since I started this project, something I wrote on the day I joined the Marianist community at Chaminade High School. Please don't read too much into the ellipses below. I've only edited out unnecessary chit-chat, and focused instead on conversations pertaining to my new vocation.

 

Excerpts from a going-away card my friend Brendan gave me:

June 20, 1993

As I write this, the old baseball analogy comes to mind. There are two outs, it's the top of the 9th, and you're at bat. Sean, hit a home run. Do well in school, don't take shit from your fellow Brothers, and most of all, always be happy. I don't care how many degrees you have or how much money you make in life, the only thing that should count is true happiness! Sean, I admire your courage and conviction to go through with your vocation. It is very unique in this day and age. You should be proud, because I am very proud of you...I dream about the day you teach my little brother and then my children. Always remember that you CAN LEAVE whenever you want. You owe THEM nothing. And don't forget we're always thinking and talking about you. You know how Lex and I love to live in the past. God bless + pray for me.

A reflection I wrote for myself on the day I entered the monastery, something I've never shared with anyone else until today. Paul and Marilyn are two of my siblings who were living at home at the time. Lex and Mark are two of my closest friends from high school.

June 29, 1993

Today I officially joined the Marianists. I didn't feel nervous this morning as much as maybe I should have. I said goodbye to Mom and Dad and Paul and Marilyn, as well as Lex and Mark. Lex didn't want to come over. I think that he did not want to get emotional and show his "other side". Mark called me from work (acc. in city) and said his goodbye for a while. It got pretty emotional last night at his house and then at mine.

I've moved everything in and am getting used to my new surroundings. All of the Brothers have welcomed me and made me feel at home. My room is across from Chris's, which is good because I feel we get along pretty well. John's and Ben's rooms are down the hall from ours.

I'm happy to be here, and anxious to grow and learn in a more religious atmosphere. I am elated to have more time to sit down (or stand) and praise God and His Blessed Mother, Mary. Though I am tired, I'll probably end up staying up late finding excuses to stay up late.     

 Until tomorrow

      Sean

A letter from my dad, written three days after I moved into the monastery:

July 2nd, 1993

Dear Sean, Mom wants me to write a few lines to you, although I've pointed out that she must 'let go'. We miss you a great deal, but understand that your vocation calls for you to dedicate your life to God and His Blessed Mother, through your brotherhood in the Marianist Order. This separation for us will be our offering to God, and I'm sure we will all be Blessed for it. I know you will be very happy in your new life, and I could sense a feeling of togetherness with those whom I met so far. The environment lends itself to a feeling of peace and a closer relationship with God and your fellow man. From now on, you will see the world in a completely new way, and realize that certain things that you thought you valued were in reality merely distractions. You are still young, so you have a lot to learn. In fact, you will be learning until the day you die, but with the help of Jesus and Mary, you will achieve your goals and grow in wisdom and understanding, and the other gifts of the Holy Spirit.

I'm stepping out of the pulpit now, Sean, but be sure we are praying for you to be successful in your religious life. God Bless You.

Your loving father

Excerpts from a letter my friend Brendan sent me:

July 5, 1993

Dear Sean, How are you? I hope your 4th was exciting... After having that memory, I began to realize how much I really do miss you and how different life is now without you. I saw your mom and Marilyn in the A&P yesterday. It was nice to see them. We talked exclusively about you for 15 minutes in front of the banana show [Brendan and I worked a lot in the produce department back then]. She told me she has pictures of the brother house. I was very excited to hear this since I'm almost certain you will never let me near your new living quarters. You have to understand, the brother house is this mysterious, magical place that me and Lex envision as Mineola's closest thing to the Twilight Zone. I really hope you can get me and Lex in there sometime in the near future. We have a plan where we dress up as UPS men in brown suits and enter. Since [Lex's Pontiac] Bonnie-ville is UPS Truck brown, we have a perfect UPS vehicle--think about it! Anyhow, I am extremely pleased to hear how happy you are with your new life. It's very strange. Half of me is happy for you, but the other half is extremely sad... As long as you are happy in life. As I always say, all that counts in life is if you are truly happy...

Excerpts from a letter my mom sent me:

July 15, 1993

Dear Sean... We received your letter, and believe me, we understand. We know you have many adjustments to make. With God's help, you will make them, and before long, it will be less difficult for you. You must be experiencing some satisfaction at the end of each day as to the accomplishments of the day.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers, Sean. I love you and miss you too, but am very proud of you to answer this call, and I'll continue to pray for you. You spent much time considering this vocation, and I know you're happy in this decision.

Just ask God to help you each day to do the best that you can in what you're doing. Prayer is a most powerful instrument by which anything can be accomplished...God bless you and keep your chin up and your smile on–God loves you and so do I.

Love,

Mom

Excerpts from a letter my friend Dennis sent me:

July 16, 1993

Sean, Please excuse me for having typed this letter, but I feared that if I wrote it by hand, you would never be able to decipher it... Purely out of curiosity, do you ever have to do homework in any of your classes? Also, I thought that once you graduated high school, you no longer had to be tortured–whoops, I mean taught–by Bro. Michael.

One last question: do they ever parole you for short periods of time? I wanted to see if you, Brendan, Mark, and Lex wanted to set aside a night to go play pool or something before we all scatter to colleges. Either that or we could always have a mini pool party at my house (or even yours, now)... [Below is a picture of "my" pool, as he was referencing it. More on THAT perk in a future blog entry.]

Well, I gotta go to work now, so in parting, let me just say...GOOD LUCK.

Dennis

P.S. Don't forget: never, ever go into a dimly lit room with [another Brother's name I won't copy here; the students of the all-boys Catholic high school, my friends included, gossiped occasionally about some of the brothers, as kids are wont to do].

Brief excerpt from a letter my friend Melanie (Brendan's girlfriend at the time) sent me:

August 30, 1993

Dear Sean...

He came over to my house after he saw you on Sunday and he told me that he feels so distant from you. That you've changed so much.

I share this last one mostly as an addendum to the others, to point out how quickly things were starting to change. These letters represent the lion's share of communication I received or wrote from the day I joined the order, June 29th, to the end of August 1993, just two months later. Melanie's words make sense to me, but are no less startling for me to read. I had committed my life to God and the Roman Catholic Church, and my energies were already aligned full steam ahead with my future as a Marianist Brother at Chaminade High School. I was changing so much.

Coming Next Week: Keys to the Kingdom